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I’M BACK
Is it poor blog etiquette to post nothing for a month then want to post like 10 different blogs in a night? Probs. I haven’t been blogging for reasons I am unsure of- it’s either I am depressed and uninspired or I’m so busy because I’m finally feeling at peace here and am too busy to sit and focus because I actually have a social life now. The truth is it’s probably both. I am having a blast here and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else truthfully.I am growing everyday. I think it’s the fact that I’m experiencing all of these great things and it feels like none of it is really happening because I have no one experiencing it with me. I can call my friends and family and tell them everything I’m doing but without them here with me it is almost like I’m numb to it. It’s like that lame saying “if a tree falls and no one hears it…” If I’m enjoying all these moments and no one is here with me to partake, are they really that great?
Don’t get me wrong, nothing excites me more than meeting new people but I think I’ve reached my limit of single serving friends and I’m ready for some of them to stick and become 24/7 buffet friends if you will. The problem is that who I thought I was is not who I am ending up to be. I am learning I am not someone who can handle every personality type, something I used to pride myself on. Instead, I am becoming more and more intolerant of people so friendships are limited. I absolutely do not understand the attitude that derives from an insecure person and it seems that most people I tend to dislike have social problems stemmed from insecurities. this may come in the form of the self righteous “one-upper” who only likes to hear themselves speak and unconsciously degrades you, the boy crazy ones who can’t go out unless they are getting the attention of a guy and will ditch you at any point of the night, people who constantly need to be reassured and babied, oh and the straight up cunts who are just plain rude becasue it’s better than facing the fact that they are miserable.(that was harsh my bad)
I miss my girlfriends whom I would do anything for and who are comfortable with themselves and are genuine. I miss being able to be proud of my friends and have them be proud of me. I miss being able to just sit with each other and just be. I miss cracking up until I cry doing nothing “exciting or new”
It would be nice to do new and exciting things with them just to be able to sit and do nothing but crack up reflecting on what we had just experienced. Now I do my laughing with them via phone calls.
I hope my next post is more pleasant, I did not intend to be this negative eek this is my therapy.
